Fired.

Almost Five years ago, a few weeks if not the week before Christmas, I was fired. Fired from a church. At the time, I was playing piano for the jazz service twice a month and playing keyboard for the contemporary service every week. The contemporary service was a lot of stress. However, the income helped support my family.

I had recently been married a few months prior and had also just gotten primary custody of my daughter who was 12 at the time. I was also in the first semester of my doctoral program at the University of Houston. Lots of positive change, but lots of stress. 

The last time I played music for that church was a Wednesday night rehearsal. It was the same day I was diagnosed by psychiatrist as having bipolar disorder. 

I had been having severe manic symptoms for a few months. I was overwhelmed to say the least and had an emotional breakdown during the rehearsal at church. I broke down crying because I was messing up on a song. A few days later I was fired. 

Funny, it was the first time that I was ever fired and that firing involved the group of people praying. I wonder if they prayed for God’s will in the decision to fire me? Basically, they were looking to cover their own asses in my opinion. 
We can’t have the service go wrong, right?

I have struggled with this resentment for years, and gone through periods where I let go of it and periods where I took the angst back. 

I don’t know at what time I went back to the church to attend the service that I had been fired from. I even read re-friended the worship leader on Facebook. (a friendship I may lose after posting this)

I am a Christian, and I do believe in Jesus. I believe that he died for me. I want to be very careful not to bash a church or bashing a pastor or bashing a worship leader. But was that the “Christian thing to do?”

No notice. No time to prepare for loss of income and.

I have questions: did the show compassion? Did they do anything to help me? Um… would Jesus have fired me? Ok, ok so Jesus isn’t in the business of running a big church. That’s a gig for people and people are callable. 

Was firing me a week before Christmas in someway a gift?

I can say this, I am very glad that I do not work there anymore. For what it’s worth, I’m grateful for the six months that I worked there. I’m still a member of the Methodist Church, albeit a different one in a different part of town. 

Did they fire me because I have bipolar disorder? Did they fire me because I was emotional in rehearsal and that was the final straw? 

I must not leave out that I was called on the carpet once or twice before because I was struggling with organization.

Whatever the reason, this is an attempt at letting go once and for all. I will not name names and seek to fully forgive those who made that decision to fire someone with a recently diagnosed mental illness, one which they were aware of.